When I was growing up, Thanksgiving was synonymous with the annual neighborhood Turkey Bowl football game. Before our family feast, my buddies and I met at the park at the Municipal Center in District Heights, Maryland, to display our gridiron prowess.

Sure, the idea was to have fun. But the game was played with the urgency of an NFC championship. Often, we played in freezing, muddy, wet or snowy conditions. We sacrificed our bodies, and every play tapped our emotions as well as our offensive and defensive skills. Cuts, bruises, torn clothes, strengthened and damaged egos alike. This was serious stuff.

It was also a hoot. The spirit of camaraderie always shone through.

With each passing year, our relationships with each other — mostly schoolmates — have transformed from being pals to being a large family. The last Turkey Bowl occurred decades ago, but we old farts still have that bond. That’s what traditions are all about.

Deepening Family Bonds

With the holiday season in full swing, I’ve been thinking about my buddies and our Turkey Bowl, which led me to ponder what exactly defines a tradition. A search of the “googles” pretty much perfectly articulated what’s brewing in my mind:

Traditions are crucial to individuals, families, and cultures, fostering a sense of identity, belonging, and stability. They provide a framework for understanding the past, shaping the present, and creating a sense of continuity. By participating in traditions, individuals strengthen family bonds, connect with their heritage, and create lasting memories.

Baking Day

One of my favorite holiday season traditions aligns with that definition. It’s what we in our family call Baking Day. Each year, we gather for a long weekend before Christmas to make more than a dozen large batches of delicious baked treats.

But it’s about so much more than the sweets produced.

It’s a very particular family gathering that fosters bonding, creativity, and lasting memories. It’s a cherished screen-free activity where the shared experience, not just the trays of goodies, provides joy and strengthens connections across generations.

When Baking Day began in 1987, the production line consisted of my then-seven-year-old niece, Becca, and my wife, Debbie, aka Aunt Deb. At the first couple of Baking Day adventures, my nephew Nate, Becca’s younger brother and my little buddy, also participated. Over the years, the crew of helpers has grown, now including Becca’s daughter, Isla (who started throwing flour and “sorting” gumdrops at age three), and occasionally grandmothers, girl cousins, and other add-ons from the female side of the family. Sometimes, Aunt Deb’s bestie, Beth, from the Pacific Northwest, flies in to lend a helping hand.

In the months before Baking Day, Aunt Deb and Becca get dialed in, setting a date and pulling together a menu for the big day. As the momentous day approaches, prepping and shopping for ingredients are knocked out.

Fire Up The Ovens!

The ladies and girls command the kitchen. Bowls and utensils are strategically scattered about. Bags of flour, sugar, nuts, chocolate chips, candy, fruit pieces, spices, and other ingredients are set up for easy access throughout the kitchen. It’s really a baking lovefest. Holiday music plays from sunup to sundown. The uber-organized gals don custom Baking Day aprons. Then it’s game on! The bakers precisely follow instructions on recipe cards (some passed down for generations) that spell out how to best proportion the concoctions and remind the bakers of proper oven temperature and time. There’s lots of reminiscing, laughter, storytelling, love, and dedication to the serious businesses of baking and family.

Each hour of Baking Day adds yet another platter of treats lining up in the adjacent dining room. Last year’s menu included so many tasty delights, one could easily mistake our humble home kitchen for that of a local bakery: Brown Butter Rice Krispie Treats, Chocolate Fudge, Christmas Monster Cookies, Cracker Candy, Cranberry Orange Bread, Gumdrop Cookies, Knock Me Naked Cookies, Molasses Sugar Cookies, Oatmeal Carmelitas, Peanut Butter Fudge, Rolo Pretzel Delights, Reindeer Food, Sausage Balls, and Spiced Pecans. Some years, the ladies drop an old favorite from the menu and introduce a new treat. It’s apparently fun to experiment.

That familiar aroma of fresh baking is a signature scent of our home on Baking Day — a warm, inviting, and complex sensory experience that evokes comfort and nostalgia. A buttery richness permeates everything. Bouquets of caramelized sugar and chocolate are mouthwatering. Who doesn’t love the smell of fresh-baked cookies?

And during Baking Day, our home somehow feels safe and wholesome.

The treats seemingly get tastier every year. The melt-in-your-mouth factor is off-the-charts yummy. In my humble opinion, Aunt Deb and Becca’s collective baking skills now border on a professional level — so much so that I’ve no doubt they could open up their own sweet shop in town.

All in all, it’s a wonderful time, albeit a messy wonderful time. Things got to a tsunami-level mess when tiny Isla was learning the tricks of the trade. But the hours of clean-up are well worth the effort. Baking Day is not just a meaningful tradition for our family; it’s become an essential pastime for Aunt Deb and Becca, as well as for the younger generations of our clan.

Boys and Distribution

The men and boys in the family gather before the first mixing bowl is used, but stay far away from the baking activities. (Truth be told, we’re banned from the kitchen.) Our tasks on Baking Day vary — scurrying into town for last-minute holiday shopping, attempting to wrap gifts in an acceptable manner, hitting up the local jerky store, picking up lunchtime sandwiches for the bakers, and carrying out crucial dog- and football-game-watching duties. For several years early on, when it was just Aunt Deb and pre-teen Becca bonding in the kitchen, I had a blast entertaining Becca’s young brother, Nate.

Oh yes … one other important duty for the boys — Official Taste-Testers!

And what of the goodies? Tins are filled with a full assortment of the day’s goodies. Baking participants pull together selections for their own families, while Aunt Deb puts together trays for neighbors, the good folks at the post office, the convenience center, and other folks who are so good to us.

Passing It On

Thirty-eight years later, the tradition of Baking Day continues. Becca is now 45, and she and Aunt Deb haven’t missed an annual Baking Day. Isla’s streak is up to 10 years, and, based on her enthusiasm and excitement, I’m confident that Baking Day will be a lifelong tradition for her own family when the time comes. That warms my heart.

And that’s the key idea — a tradition passed down to the younger generation. This is how Becca sees it:

“I didn’t have a lot of traditions in my family growing up. I look forward to Baking Day and spending time with Aunt Deb every year. I love that we have created this important tradition, and now share it with Isla, and she loves it and also looks forward to it.”

“It gives us a chance to connect and focus on each other and family. And, of course, I love Aunt Deb so much! And also how we sometimes bring in other girls in the family to bond with us.”

My amazing niece has played Baking Day forward, bringing the tradition to her own home with a neighbor friend and her daughter. “This year will be seven years with Laurie and Avery joining Isla and me for Baking Day 2 at our house,” says Becca, her eyes sparkling.

It warms my heart to think that a tradition created by my wife will continue long after we’re gone. Baking Day’s legacy will endure, bringing future generations of our family together. In my book, nothing is more vital for happiness than a tight, loving family bond. And if that bond happens to strengthen over the baking of delicious cookies, cakes, and other goodies, all the better.

Traditions are more than activities

When Aunt Deb started Baking Day in 1987, we had no idea it would become so special to our family. We thought it would be something fun to do with the kids. Those early gatherings with our niece and nephew became a tradition because Baking Day embodies the spirit of all time-honored traditions — shaping a family’s identity and helping children understand their role in the world. Baking Day teaches and preserves essential values such as responsibility, teamwork, generosity, and above all, the importance of family.

Think about it. There was a first Thanksgiving, a first Christmas. They only became valuable traditions because the activities that comprise them inherently strengthen the aforementioned values and family bonds.

Your family tradition can start today. It could be a dinner at a favorite local restaurant every Wednesday night. Or the whole family wearing identical, new PJs on Christmas morning. It might be packing up the family, going to a matinee, and having burgers at the local greasy spoon the day after Thanksgiving. (Read: Kitchen Closed!) It could be participating in community service — e.g., volunteering at a community kitchen during the holidays. Or putting together a complex 1,000-piece puzzle. Or singing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus and having a birthday cake. Yes, it can be anything. As long as it strengthens family bonds and it’s a regular occurrence, it’s a tradition.

It’s not about what you do, it’s how it makes you feel.